Guilt

Guilt is a powerful emotion, it can drive us to feel responsible for something we are not; it can haunt us when we did something wrong, and we knew it was so while we did it. People will use it against our personal nature to transfer their guilt onto us when they haven't done their job, or assumed their responsibility.  I have guilt about my time in uniform, should have done more while I could; and there are days that I hate every day I'm no longer in uniform.  But mostly, I feel guilty because I can't help my friends because I didn't go out with them and experience the things they did, and I'm not in proximity to them now.

I have a friend who has gone through a bad spot the last couple of weeks.  We were soldiers together, but he's a veteran.  By friend, I don't mean some guy I talk to everyday at work and office socials; I mean kids grew up next door, weekly suppers, worked with, best man at my wedding sort of friend.  I found out how bad things were going for him when his wife came out on work.  I felt I should call, but didn't know how start the conversation.  I should be able to, we're like brothers; closer in some cases.  Then the Facebook post thanking everyone for the help, they knew who they were.  I knew this wasn't directed at me, he hadn't asked for my help. When I had reached out, he hadn't responded.  I thought we were close.

Then I had a dream, so lucid and real it could have been real life.  I was walking through a dead forest when I came across my friend and we started talking; in the course of the conversation, I asked my friend why he didn't ask for my help, we're close as brothers.  He said to me "I don't need your help".  When I woke up, I was in fits; we've seen each other through marriages and divorce, kids growing up, houses falling apart, and talking over the fence.  

I got to talk to my friend last night, and in the course of our conversation, it dawned on me; it wasn't he didn't need help, it was "I don't need YOUR help" because I didn't have any help to offer.  I had no exposure to what had caused or revealed his problem, I could offer no solace.  I'm glad he had access to other vets to help and the strength to ask.  As for me, dreams and introspection can do wonders for our well-being.  I also realized guilt doesn't have to be a millstone around your neck, keeping you from everything you deserve to attain.

Sidebar - Veterans are everywhere in our society these days - boardrooms to lecture halls, school yards to brick yards, cops on the street to 'mommy and me' groups.  We don't offer them enough credit for what they've done because we have now idea what they've experienced.  Veterans shouldn't just be remembered on Veterans Day, Memorial Day, or Remembrance Day, but everyday.

I don’t care if this gets shares, comments, or follows.  Thank a vet every opportunity you have.

HPG, Thank you.

Life Lesson - The right attitude about work.

            I don’t choose to work, I have to work.  But I did choose the job I currently have, and every other job I have ever had.  Complaining about your job is like complaining that your hair is too curly after getting a perm, YOU CHOSE THIS.  Your attitude about your job is what makes the difference.  Everyone has that guy at work that is always complaining about their lot in life; maybe it’s you.  Having a good attitude at work will do wonders for your well being, performance, and how you are viewed by your co-workers.  When we maintain a positive attitude through out the day, it not only improves your work day it improves the work day of your co-workers.

            An easy fix is probably the oldest.  You should arrive at work everyday with a smile and whistling a tune; even if you don’t want to be there.  Coming into work when you’re sick is completely different.  You should leave work, at the end of the day, with the same attitude looking forward to the next work day.  It will make being stuck in the office easier, psychologically, and it will leave everyone else wanting to know what your deal is.

Is Courtesy dead?

            Last week, a funeral cortege passed me by.  It wasn't very long, maybe a dozen cars total, including the hearse.  As I was standing there, several cars coming out of a freeway exit were blocked and had to wait.  I could have walked on, after all, I didn't know the deceased; but I decided to stop and be respectful, removing my tuque.  As I stood there, drivers of the waiting cars forced their way through the cortege to get into clear lanes on the other side.  What kind of thinking makes a person act that way?

            I notice this often at the end of the day when everyone is just trying to get home.  I don't know if it's cultural or generational.  I call it Chinese Thinking, named after what a friend told me about his experiences as an English teacher in Taiwan.  My editor-in-wife calls Linear Thinking; you can only get from A to C through B.  I've started to notice it more and more frequently on the street here.

I see it all the time at the bus stop.

I sum it up as such:

            1) I want to go home; 
            2) I need to get on the bus; 
            3) The bus is here and the doors are open;

            4) I'll force my way onto the bus, regardless of the number of people trying to               get off at the same time.”

Here's a thought: LET EVERYONE OFF THE BUS FIRST!  An extra 30 seconds will make things easier for everybody.

            I am disheartened when I see people act like this on public transit; not giving up their seats to people who have greater need; trying to force their way onto the bus as passengers are getting off, and not taking their backpacks off, hitting others in the head every time they turn around.  I honestly think we've reached the point where society is primarily drones, plugged in and spoon-fed, rather than thinking about how we act and affect the world around us.

“As we are, so we do; and as we do, so is it done to us; we are the builders of our fortune.”

                                                                           Ralph Waldo Emerson